Bethany’s Story
I had an easy pregnancy with no issues save mild for anemia, occasional heartburn and moderate pelvic pain in the last month. I experienced some breast growth, lots of tenderness, and nipple changes. I had a lovely birth at 40+5 weeks along, with 18 hours of labor. I had an unmedicated water birth in a private center, resulting in a beautiful, healthy baby girl. We got a golden hour, skin-to-skin, it was great. I lost a little bit too much blood post-delivery, but my midwife said I just had to stay at the birth center for a few extra hours until I had the strength to walk myself out without fainting. No biggie.
My daughter wasn’t a champion at latching during our initial attempts at breastfeeding – major boob sandwiching required on my part, her lips never seemed to flange, and boy, did it hurt – but we made it work. I let her nurse as much as she wanted but did end up giving about 3 oz of formula over the first three days because my nipples were bloodied and bruised. My milk started coming in on Day 4 and I thought, “Here we go, problems solved!”
Nursing went OK for the first few weeks. My nipples hurt more than they should have, but how was I to know that my pain level was abnormal? Baby seemed content for a while after only one breast so I began block nursing (God, WHY did I do that? Please never do that, you guys!).
Around Week 4 her stooling started slowing down. Her pediatrician said, “Breastfed babies don’t always poop as often.” That didn’t sound right to me, but I’m not a doctor so I went with it. Around Week 5 she started getting fussy. Inconsolably fussy. She’d cry at the breast, cry off the breast, cry all the time. I’d try offering bottles but she wouldn’t accept them, she was just too worked up. I thought, “surely if it was hunger, she’d take this bottle, right?”
I was losing my mind. We finally got in at the pediatrician again at 6 weeks. My daughter had only gained 8 oz past her birth weight. I knew that was bad. The pediatrician said it was fine. She also said it was just colic. I got a new pediatrician. He asked if anyone had ever questioned my supply and I said no. He replied “Well then, I’ll be the first.” He told me my daughter was starving and I needed to start giving formula immediately. I cried in his office. I begged him to tell me I wasn’t the only person this had happened to, that I wasn’t a terrible mother, that this wasn’t all my fault. He was kind and supportive. He encouraged me to continue nursing, and assured me this was a more common issue than people think. I still cried each time I had to make her a bottle for at least a month. I was grieving. I was filled with disappointment and honestly, self-hatred. Why couldn’t my body do this for me? For my daughter? What kind of mother am I if I can’t even care for my daughter’s most basic need of sustenance? It broke my spirit.
It wasn’t until my daughter was 11.5 weeks (and with the addition of supplementation, gaining well) that I was able to see an IBCLC. Of course, the appointment was at my daughter’s nap time, so she just nursed to sleep and we couldn’t get an accurate weighted feed. But she immediately noticed issues with my daughter’s latch, assessed her oral function and told me she thought my daughter had lip and posterior tongue ties and wanted to refer me to a specialist. This was a relief to me. I thought it meant I may be able to fix my supply issues with enough effort. I was dedicated.
The specialist was booked for a while, so her revision didn’t happen until 16 weeks old. I triple fed until 1 week after her revision – a total of 5.5 weeks. It was hellish. It was exhausting. But for me, it was worth it. I was able to increase my supply enough for her to get more breastmilk than formula daily, but I gave up on EBF because I knew that wasn’t an option for me.
I don’t have health insurance, so I haven’t gotten any bloodwork done to assess the cause of my low supply. I know my breasts meet some criteria for hypoplasia, but I don’t honestly think I have IGT as I’ve pumped *almost* a full feed before when I wasn’t yet feeling engorged. I believe it to be a refill rate issue. I may never know if it was an issue with thyroid/IR/etc., my daughter’s ties going untreated for so long, my idiotic decision to block nurse, or any combination of factors. I’m grateful to have a baby who loves to nurse despite my supply issues. We haven’t lost the bond or any of the benefits. I will continue to nurse her for as long as she wants (unless that’s like, 5 years, because I don’t have THAT much dedication).
Now that my daughter is eating solids as well, I’ve found a new sense of peace. I have a new way to nourish her. I have something else to be in control of, because all control in feeding her was taken from me. I chose to breastfeed, but my boobs said “error: select another option.” And you know what? That’s OK. My baby is healthy and happy and I’ve concluded that broken boobies need love too!
How old was your baby when you realized you had low milk supply? What concerns led you to learn this?
I learned I had low supply at 8 weeks. At 4 weeks my daughter’s stools slowed down; at 6 weeks they were nonexistent without assistance. She also became increasingly fussy from 6 weeks onward.
What were some of your goals when you first started your breastfeeding journey? How did these goals shift throughout the time you were lactating?
Originally, I wanted to EBF and I wanted to make it to one year. I now simply want to make it through each day, nursing my daughter as much as she desires, for however long she wants to do it.
What advice were you given, if any, to increase your supply? By whom?
“Drink water, Body Armor, Gatorade, etc.”… “Eat this cookie/brownie/bar”… “Just put baby to breast more” (said by literally everyone, ever). Have baby assessed for ties and triple feed was the advice given by my IBCLC.
Did you feel supported by your medical providers? Why or why not?
Not initially, no. No one seemed to take my concerns seriously. The midwife didn’t seem interested in my concerns and the pediatrician kept saying everything was fine, but I KNEW something was wrong. I just didn’t know I was the issue.
What is one thing that you wish someone would have told you when you began your low milk supply journey?
I wish someone would have told me I didn’t need to punish myself. I wish someone would have told me my daughter would love me despite my low supply. I wish someone would have told me that failing to breastfeed isn’t failing at motherhood. And also, I wish someone would have told me not to waste so much money on stupid drinks and snacks and supplements that do literally nothing (other than provide empty calories).
Is there any support from people other than medical providers (e.g. lactation consultants, family, friends, peers) that you wish you had gotten during your low supply journey?
I wish people hadn’t been so quick to brush it off by saying “fed is best” and that giving formula would make everything better. Giving formula kept my daughter alive and helped her to thrive, but it hurt me deeply to have to do it and the idea that it was no big deal to everyone around me when I was working so hard made it all that much more painful.
Did you feel prepared for the possibility of low milk supply? Why or why not?
Not at all. I knew it was “so rare” so SURELY it wouldn’t happen to me. I didn’t know anyone with supply issues so it seemed like such a distant issue.
What is one thing that you would like all medical and lactation professionals to know about chronic low milk supply?
It’s important. It’s painful. It’s tragic. It needs more recognition, more research, more visibility.
In one sentence, why does low milk supply matter to you?
Low milk supply matters to me because I cannot help but think that if I lived in a different time, one without formula, I would no longer have my sweet baby to snuggle, and that is the most tragic thing I can imagine.
What is one thing about your low milk supply experience that makes you proud?
I worked so hard to maintain our breastfeeding relationship. So incredibly hard. My mother told me, “She may not remember being breastfed, but one day she will know how hard you worked for her and she will admire your resilience.”